


Waiting for you (to notice me)

by ShipperWhore



Category: Arrowverse - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I am Supercorp Trash, Supercorp endgame, brief karamel, but i swear its a happy ending for the luthor and super, i am a soft bitch for these two lovely ladies, im so sorry for that, its a little angsty, lena luthor has so much problems, mature tag because i mention sexy time but there is really just fluffy kisses, shes basically a fusion of lena and saskia from SBB, some lena/kate mentionings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24489106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipperWhore/pseuds/ShipperWhore
Summary: The day Lena Luthor knew she was in love with her best friend had started out as any other. She had woken up at her usual early hours and gotten ready , had her cup of coffee and small breakfast , driven to work and got ready for her press conference later that day.Even the threat to her life seemed like normal.*a oneshot of lena battling against herself and the feelings she has for one blonde kryptonian bean
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Mon-El, Kate Kane & Lena Luthor, Kate Kane/Lena Luthor
Comments: 13
Kudos: 221





	Waiting for you (to notice me)

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys im back on my rushed oneshot bullshit (lol sorry)
> 
> this idea was formed after watching secret bridesmaids business and the way Katie is basically a hot mess pining after her blonde best friend (shame my heart). 
> 
> so this is basically a oneshot of her feelings for the blonde (also its basically set in s2 , idk why my brain just decided that for some reason. it also absolutely follows no canon plot)
> 
> lena is basically a mixture of herself and saskia.
> 
> i lowkey made her have so much issues and made her go through the most (please forgive me)

The day Lena Luthor knew she was in love with her best friend had started out as any other. She had woken up at her usual early hours and gotten ready , had her cup of coffee and small breakfast , driven to work and got ready for her press conference later that day.

Even the threat to her life seemed like normal.

The only not normal thing was her heart beating painfully in her chest as the blonde kryptonian carried her to safety. The way she shuddered as strong arms gripped her protectively to her chest as she fled from the dangers and placed her beside an FBI-but-really-a-DEO van as agents piled out to address the threat.

Kara had turned and given her a once over , the concern in those pools of ocean did nothing to calm her racing heart and if the blonde noticed Lena assumes she chalked it up to the shock of being attacked. Which didn’t faze her as much as the intense desire to be in her best friends arms again , having those eyes stare intensely for other reasons..

Once she was sure Lena was okay , she gave her a brief gentle smile that only Kara Danvers could muster and fled to help out her team.

Lena should be concerned that her press conference has been attacked yet again , should be worried that no one got hurt during said attack. But all the brunette can think is how royally screwed she is for falling for her best friend.

That’s how she found her way to the bar , naturally Kara had offered to escort her home not wanting to leave the woman’s side. She can’t help the soft chuckle that leaves her lips as the woman practically denied her from going back to work and after a small argument Lena agreed to go home at the demand she do so without a body guard and surprisingly Kara had allowed it.

Currently home was a stuffy bar with music so loud it made the voices in her head seem like whispers instead of harsh yells. She downed the remaining scotch in her glass and signaled the bartender for a top up. It was in fact at this very moment , when a tall blonde with pale blue eyes sat beside her and gave her an _invitational smirk_ that Lena knew she was fucked. Because as she allowed herself to be guided to the womans bathroom the young Luthor somehow wished the woman before her had golden blonde instead of platinum , had ocean blue rather than ice blue eyes and was a kryptonian heroine rather than an impromptu one night stand.

Its two weeks later , after her dastardly revelation and first of many to come _es_ _capades_ that Lena has another meltdown or breakdown , which ever you’d want to label it as.

They’re at Kara’s place. Its girls night and honestly Lena wanted to cancel more than anything else because she needs to rid herself from these damned emotions before being around Kara again. But the pleading tone in the female kryptonians voice earlier today over the phone had made her resolve crumble instantly after being told she had bailed on all the other plans and lunch dates so far for work.

And if it weren’t for her burning desire to see the blonde after her secret attempts at trying to distance herself these past two weeks-if it weren’t for her meek self restraint she would have said no.

But she didn’t and now she’s 3 glasses of wine in on the couch across from the gorgeous blonde in sweats and cotton t-shirts looking painstakingly adorable. Her glasses are discarded on the table since its only her and Alex there she doesn’t need to keep up a façade. They’re happily cuddled together on the couch , Alex between the two of them catching up on what has been going on these last few days when suddenly Kara sits up straight , her cheeks are rosy and there’s a coy smile on her face that Lena finds utterly gorgeous.

“I need to tell you guys something” Kara says unable to contain the giddiness.

“is this about you breaking your record of how many pot stickers you can eat under a minute? Because if so we’ve all been there to witness that” Alex says with a playful eye-roll and Lena can’t help but giggle as Kara scoffs and shoves her sister gently.

“No its-its about Mon-el” and there it is. The moment Lena can feel her heart clench itself so tightly in her chest she thinks it would end her life.

This Lena believes , must be what utter heartache feels like. This is the moment of all those poems and literature pieces describing heartbreak must be based off of. Because Lena feels like her throat is closing up , her hands trembling as she feels something inside completely shatter and the most painful of all ; having to force the smile that says ‘I’m happy for you' when all Lena wants to do is crumple to the ground and let out a guttural sob that’s just begging to be set free.

But she’s a Luthor and Luthor’s know how to bury their pain , albeit it chaotic and unhealthy.

So as Kara and Alex continue speaking of the secretive relationship between the blonde and daxamite Lena is busy packing everything into their little boxes and sealing them shut as fast as she could in that moment. Once she’s sure there’s no more shaking , no more signs of quivering she stands from her seat and let’s out a sigh that’s heavy and exhausting.

“I’m sorry but I have an early meeting tomorrow I have to go” she feels the smile on her face twitching , its foreign for her to school her emotions around the people who became so close to her and more than anything she doesn’t want to leave for her cold and impersonal apartment but hearing anymore of Kara’s unrestrained gushing over the male alien is going to cause an ugly and awkward breakdown and discussion that Lena is not in the mood for.

Kara pouts , the signature one that makes her want to place the world at her feet to bring back the sunshine smile she so lovingly adores but then that would mean sitting through a night of torture and pain and Lena’s heart just **_**can’t**_** right now.

Her driver arrives in minutes and she hugs the two sisters goodbye and with a promise to schedule another hangout before she’s rushing out the building , welcoming the cold autumn air into her lungs as if she’d been holding her breath all this time.

Once she’s in the back of her towncar and the driver starts for her apartment Lena barely registers the words that comes out of her lips.

“drop me off at the bar instead Frank , I’m in desperate need of a strong drink” Lena knows she has something strong enough at home , something that could make her black out after just 3 consecutive glasses but it wouldn’t come with the promise of being intimate with another person , wouldn’t make her feelings go away like finding someone to take home and pound them into reserve until the next time.

And all Lena needs now is to forget , needs a release of this pent up anger and frustration for being denied the only thing , _the only person_ she wants.

As she steps inside the familiar establishment eyes roaming around the place for a potential candidate she thinks that at least her self satisfaction methods don’t end with anyone losing their lives as the Luthor way usually entails and that gives her somewhat of a peace of mind before approaching the redheaded woman blissfully unaware of her intentions for them for the night.

She finds herself at the bar again , this time just for the pleasure of being out of the apartment and having another drink. It definitely has nothing to do with Kara telling her about her date the previous night while the two woman enjoyed their lunch in Lena’s office earlier that day. No definitely not.

She also barely bats an eye when she sees the man who stole her best friends heart walking into the bar all cool and collected with a stare that seemed predatory as it eyed up the many women before him (and by that she means her eyes never left his form as she practically glared daggers into the mans brain – it must be the alcohol affecting her).

He doesn’t even notice her and maybe its because Lena is hidden behind a sea of leggy blondes and busty brunettes waiting to get some as much as anyone else in the bar which seems to be the ‘it place' for getting laid in national city. No that’s not it , shes just sour that this damn jerk has decided to take another thing away from her even if he didn’t know it. Not that Kara is a possession she’s just drunk and bitter and clearly not in her right mind.

But still sober enough to know that the woman he so shamefully has pinned against a dimly light wall with his mouth on her neck is _not_ Kara. Unless Kara suddenly morphed into a petite black haired and brown eyed 21 year old waitress. And just how dare he take her best friend for granted like that. Lena feels the anger bubbling immensely in her chest , she slams down enough money on the counter to cover her bill ,before making her way out from the place. Angry that he’d tainted the place with his cheating ass.

Cheating on someone who didn’t deserve it at all. So when he appears from the bar himself and finds Lena patiently waiting for her driver to show up, his hazel orbs are as wide as saucers. There’s still traces of lipstick smeared on his chin and neck as if he’d desperately been trying to rid his skin from its sinful markings.

She should go over and slap him as hard as she possibly could , even if it meant breaking her entire arm at the touch of his indestructible skin but instead finds herself laughing. It’s a humourless cackle that leaves her lips as he continues to stare like a dear caught in headlights.

“Lena I-“

“save it I’m not the one you should be explaining yourself to” the young Luthor states and finally Frank pulls up before her. “if you won’t tell her though..I will”

It sounds as threatening as she wanted it to and she sees the way Mon-el tenses before her. She doesn’t linger long enough to give him a proper glare. In fact she’s already opening her door and climbing in before he finally speaks.

“you must be over the moon right now huh” his eyes are glowering and yet the smile on his face is cocky as ever.

“Why would I be happy that you’re cheating on my best friend?”

“because you think that us ending our relationship means you get a shot “

His words weren’t supposed to have an effect on her but it does , her entire body goes rigid and she knows he sees the way its affecting her because the cruel laugh that bubbles from his throat float towards her and seem to tighten around her neck.

“Poor Lena Luthor hopelessly in love with her best friend who will never love her the way she wants to be loved”

She slams her door shut furiously , not saying anything in return as Frank pulls away but it doesn’t stop her from hearing the taunting cackle of the daxamites laughter at her demise.

Her heart hammers against her ribcage , it’s taking everything to keep her sobs from exploding from her lips as she continues her venture home. And by the time she reaches her apartment and shuts the door behind her , she barely manages to take a step from the door before she’s crumpled to the ground and let’s all the pent up sobs burst out and flood the room.

She’s a mess. A complete and utter mess. All the tiny mental boxes in the world couldn’t help her right now so instead of bottling it up she gets up and reaches for a bottle to empty out and wallow in a drunken stupor before sleep finally takes her.

Its been a week since her self-pity party and yet again finds herself at a girls night but this time there’s no Alex. Because Alex bails last minute to be with her girlfriend and leaves Lena and Kara to spend the night alone together.

And its not like they haven’t done it before but Lena was really hoping to have the oldest Danvers as a Mon-el buffer. The man had yet to come clean to her best friend and the thought of keeping it from her was eating her alive. So its with that thought that Lena gets Kara to drink with her. A real drink that makes both her and Kara all fuzzy and talkative.

Which was the worst idea Lena has ever had because now Kara is rambling on and on about this _wonderful and sweet_ man who makes her heart flutter and all Lena can think of is how much he doesn’t deserve all this praise his unknowingly getting from this literal ray of sunshine.

Maybe it’s the drink or the increasing jealousy but Lena finds herself blurting out what happened a week ago.

And then Kara goes silent. ****Dead silent**** as she just stares at Lena , eyes wide and mouth slack and Lena wonders if she just broke the blonde kryptonian.

“Kara please say something” the brunette begs , taking one of Kara’s hands in hers but she just remains unmoving , not even blinking as she processes Lena’s words.

“I’m so sorry Kara I just- I told him if he didn’t tell you that I would and judging by the way you spoke about him he didn’t and I can’t sit back anymore and watch him make a fool out of you”

There’s a glint of recognition in those powder blue eyes and Lena releases the breath she’s been holding as Kara squeezes her hands. “thank you for telling me Lee” and really she would be smiling and feel more relieved if she didn’t witness the speed at which Kara jumps up and flies through the open window.

She really has the worst timing ever , how could she decide to tell her best friend that the man she adores has been screwing around. Well she doesn’t know if his exactly screwing around but the point is she should have been more gentle , she should have done it with them both being sober and eased into the topic rather than throw it in the blondes face.

Her anxious pacing comes to a halt when she hears the front door open revealing a puffy eyed Kara and it takes her all but 5 seconds to register before she’s rushing over to comfort the blonde.

The woman sobs into her shoulder , chest heaving heavily as she clutches at Lena’s shirt. Somehow she’d coaxed the hero towards the couch and now the two sat in an uncomfortable embrace but Lena didn’t let up her strong grip and soft whispers of reassurances until Kara decided to pull away , drying her cheeks.

“I’m sorry I just, I’m such an idiot” Kara laughs , head shaking as her gaze falls to her lap.

“No, he is and judging by the dried blood on your knuckles I bet that’s where you disappeared to”. Kara gives her a sad and slightly impish smile ,her fingers flexing and allowing flecks of crimson to fall from her fingers.

“Broke his nose after I caught him doing exactly what you told me he did before” her eyes are filling up with more tears and before they could begin to fall Lena finds herself jumping up to retrieve something way more stronger for Kara to drink for the rest of the night.

“Thanks Lee I appreciate you staying after seeing my ugly crying face “ Kara giggles , bubbly and delightful as she nuzzles closer to her, anger and sadness seemingly forgotten.

It’s the early hours of the morning and the two of them are past the point of tipsy at this stage. They’re still on Kara’s couch , snugly wrapped beneath a comfy blanket as the two continue to enjoy the others presence.

“I’m only staying because if you ever were to see mine you’d be forced to return the favour” they’re laughing now because everything seems funny and unimportant right now.

But then Kara is sitting up , her smile fading as she looks Lena in the eyes all doey and innocent. “you know I’m more upset that I didn’t realize he was cheating than the actual deed”.

Lena isn’t saying anything , clearly Kara is on the verge of a self-realization moment.

“I was just SO blinded by the idea of having someone I could be intimate with and not worry about holding back or if I would hurt them” the blonde grabs a hold of the bottle of the toxic-to-human drink and downs all of it in one sip.

Lena can’t help but just stare because this is a side of Kara she hasn’t seen , this vulnerable and insecure girl battling all her painful inner turmoils. She never thought shed see the day Kara Danvers would drink her sorrows away like she had been doing , quite frankly its unsettling. Kara deserves better than this and somehow she feels guilty for introducing this unhealthy tactic to her friend.

“And yet he ended up hurting me , if only I’d just swallowed my fears and acted on my feelings you know?” blue eyes search her own and she knows exactly what that feels like. To bury feelings and act like they didn’t exist, to force yourself to believe in the opposite of all your deep desires but what she didn’t understand was what Kara meant by acting on ****her**** feelings.

Feelings for what? For who? For not saying no to Mon-el? Or for going after someone else entirely?

And that’s when she feels it , the soft and gentle press of lips against her own. Its everything she’s ever wanted. Everything she’s ever desired for so long. But its not the way she wanted it.

She didn’t want her chance with Kara to be because of a drunken haze , she could never take advantage of her friend like that. No matter how hard her body yearns for the blondes touch she manages to grab a hold of her shoulders and push back.

Kara however is unfazed by what just happened and happily picks up her discarded glass to take a sip and frowns when she realizes there’s nothing in it. Lena however can’t seem to shake the ghost of tender lips touching hers and feels her hands begin to shake at the pent up adrenaline that’s coursing through her and making her twitch and causing her heart to beat hard and fast.

“I th-think its time for you to get to bed then” She hears herself say and feels herself coax the protesting blonde to stand and follow her. Her body must be working on its own because her mind seems to be too preoccupied with the feel of a kiss she thought she’d never get to experience and the regret of how it came to be.

“no Lee you have to stay!” Kara whines as Lena guides her into bed , yet as much as the woman argues , she allows the brunette to tuck her in and immediately her eyes begin to droop and her fighting ends.

When she’s sure Kara is officially off to dreamland Lena races out once more , into the cold night and welcoming the cool air against her heated skin. The adrenaline kicking in double time as she briskly walks a few blocks before coming to a stop in front of an apartment door. She’s knocking rather loud and harsh but as soon as the door opens and reveals a shocked Kate Kane all guilt and explanations fly out the door as she walks in and pins the woman to the now closed door.

“This isn’t exactly the kind of visit I had in mind when I told you I was in town for a couple of days” Kate mumbles humorously against ruby red lips. Lena however is having none of it , she just really , _really_ needs a release from all this emotions right now.

“shut up and take off my shirt” she orders and Kate willingly obliges.

The next time she sees Kara its been two days since their little drunken party for two and its Kara who seeks her out at her office with lunch.

Lena thinks its going to be about the events of said night but when Kara apologizes for being a mess and then admitting to having no memory after taking the last hit of that alien alcohol she can feel the relief and stabbing pain. Hit her at the same time.

Of course it was just the alcohol talking , Kara was grieving and exposed , susceptible to anything at that point. So she decides to not tell her friend about the little moment or where she had disappeared to immediately afterwards and instead plays the role of supportive friend because that was what they were. Just friends.

A month goes by since then and everything seems to be going just fine between them. Girls night becomes more frequent and even lunch dates occur practically everyday now. Really Lena has no complaints at all except she can’t help but feel Kara seems different.

Or maybe that’s not the right word because maybe its all in her head. The way her hands linger long than they used to when reaching out to give the CEO a comforting squeeze , how shed nuzzle that much more closer at girls nights or how her cheeks seem more rosier than usual in her presence.

It must certainly just be her imagination right? Lena sighs , pouring herself a drink. Scotch filled to the brim in her tumbler she takes a long and big gulp of the liquid that burns her throat. The kiss is clearly still messing with her mind.

The thought of Kara returning her feelings is preposterous and yet there’s a flicker of hope , barely even visible but nevertheless still there waiting for the day that Lena gets her chance with her best friend.

She can’t help the snort that leaves her lips because how insane is that?

Its with that thought that she realizes exactly where she is and its not her apartment , it’s Kara’s. She’s sat on the very couch no too long ago with the bottle of scotch Kara had for the sole purpose of Lena drinking it when she came over these days. That’s nothing though , Kara is just being her thoughtful self as always.

As if summoning her by mere thought. The blonde plops down beside her. A large bowl of popcorn in hand as she grins widely at her best friend. “did you choose a movie yet?”

She didn’t though and she’s about to voice exactly that when there’s a firm knock at her door and she watches Kara turn to see who it is. The kryptonians shoulders visibly tense up and she doesn’t need to ask who it is because when Kara walks over to open up and reveal a forlorn looking Mon-el , she knows this isn’t going to end well.

His eyes barely shows any recognition towards her and solely faces the blonde before him. , eyes those of a kicked puppy (that Lena’s notes does not even compare with the puppy eyed look Kara has mastered).

“May I speak to you alone? Please?” his voice sounds hoarse and lacks the confidence it usually always sports. Lena watches with slight interest and concern as Kara’s eyes flutter towards her then back to the man at her doorstep , still looking as apologetic as ever.

“I’m just- I’ll just be a minute Lee” Kara says softly and doesn’t really wait for her response as she pushes the door closed with her and Mon-el on the other side.

This shouldn’t be rattling her so much. Its not like the two of them have anything more than friendship between them and yet she can’t help but feel panic rise and bubble inside her chest and dear God she needs another drink.

When Kara finally comes back inside her chest is heaving and her eyes are glossed over with tears threatening to spill. “he really had the nerve to ask for another chance” kara scoffs and it allows a tear to escape its cage. “its been a month and he thinks ****I**** needed time to cool off before giving us another shot”

Her shoulders are shaking now and Lena is there in a heartbeat , holding her as tears of frustration leak from pools of blue and soak into her grey sweater. “He is an egotistical ass Kara he doesn’t deserve you or your tears. “

Lena feels Kara sigh , shaky and warm against her neck and it erupts a trail of goosebumps down the left side of her body. She’s really trying to keep her heart beat at bay while holding her best friend so close. The last thing she needs is to explain the rapid increasing beats occurring because of Kara’s breath tickling her neck in a delicious way.

She’s not supposed to be thinking like that at all. Her friend is clearly going through something and here she is hopelessly yearning for more when she needs to be a source of comfort.

“I think this movie night just became an impromptu sleepover don’t you think?” Kara finally lifts her head from its position on her shoulder , blue eyes twinkling with gratitude. “thank you” the words are said barely above a whisper and is accompanied with the gentlest peck to her cheek.

Its enough to make her do a double take , for her hand to reach up to the place that felt scorchingly hot. Her eyes are wide , bewildered for sure but Kara just gives her an impish smile and strolls back towards the couch not even giving a second to glance back at Lena who is desperately trying to collect herself.

“You still haven’t chosen a movie yet” Kara whines and plops down dramatically onto the couch as if she hasn’t just had her lips to Lena’s cheek a few moments ago. Yet maybe Lena is just in too deep. Falling just that hard for this dork of an alien to register that it was just a peck , of gratitude after a very touchy moment.

Yes it most certainly had to be just that.

They’re hanging out again Friday night , this time at an alien bar that caters to all and Lena finds herself seated beside a hyper Kara who is proudly hollering for Alex to ‘crush it' at the pool game against Maggie. She let’s out a laugh at the determination she sees burning in those bright blue eyes and cant help but admire them.

When Alex ends up winning Kara grabs a hold of Lena’s shoulders and smushes their cheeks together with a scream of delight. She really can’t tell at this point if it’s the alcohol or the blondes usual optimistic personality that’s causing all this glee. But she does enjoy the closeness and doesn’t comment when a strong arm remains around her shoulders for most of the night.

And really they were having such a great night , each and every one of them were borderline tipsy and cheeks rosy from the heat of the small establishment that the cool breeze from outside was a welcome to their warm skin. They said their goodbyes and watched Alex and Maggie drive off and just as Lena’s towncar pulls up she gestures for the blonde to join her.

They fill the drive with mindless chatter , hands always touching the other as they sat pressed up against one another. When they finally reach the blondes apartment Lena gets out along with her determined to see her reach her apartment safely and as much as Kara protested that the idea was silly , she allowed the woman to walk with her all the way to her door anyway.

And that’s when it happened.

She never thought it would honestly ever have happened. Kara kissing her. Willingly and this time she can’t say it’s the alcohol when both of them hadn’t drank nearly as much as _that_ night.

Sparks are practically flying around them , buzzing inside her veins as her lips finally start to reciprocate the tandem movements of the blondes. It feels electrifying to say the least. This feeling , this moment. That grows more intense by the second and just- she just had to spoil it by thinking.

If for once she could just repress her damned thoughts and focus on now , on the sweetness of these strawberry pink lips molding so perfectly to her own. But her mind is screaming out every insecurity that she’s not good enough for this ray of sunshine.

That her darkness would corrupt her and that’s the last thing she wants for Kara , its why she should have kept everything platonic. She would have if it weren’t for these stupid feelings.

And as if Kara sensed her inner turmoil , she’s pulling away. Her bright eyes an unusually cobalt as they stare questioningly towards her , which shouldn’t be surprising , Lena is pretty sure her lips froze in their puckered position as soon as those insecurities started sinking in and consuming her.

“Lena? “ The hero’s words sound hoarse as they escape her lips and Lena can’t help keeping her eyes on those kiss swollen lips before they blur as unshed tears settle at the brim of her eyes.

She shouldn’t have done this , shouldn’t have gotten Kara’s hopes up- shouldn’t have gotten hers up to begin with. Because now she’s fleeing. Mumbling a quick I’m sorry and ignoring the female kryptonians words as she rushes down 3 flights of stairs and into the cold night air.

Her blood is pumping loudly in her ears as she bends over ever so slightly before her car which is still patiently waiting for her. She’s trying to catch her breath but at the same time trying to push back all these intense and painful emotions threatening to just spill out.

One thing she’s glad for is that Kara didn’t follow her out because if she had , she’s sure she wouldn’t have been able to fight these tears back so successfully , much less prevent giving in to those pleading crystal blue eyes.

And at that thought , composure back in place she gets in and when Frank asks where to, she finds herself saying-

“Gotham city please Frank”.

Because if anything , she needs most is to just ****forget**** right now.

Kate answers her door as soon as she knocks and she’s barely fazed at Lena’s presence until she’s sees the redness around those vibrant green orbs and concern is all she can feel as Lena tries to attack her with her lips.

“Lena” Kate tries , hands firm on the Luthors waist as she gently pulls back but the brunette is having none of it. And instead moves her onslaught to the older woman’s neck. “Lena wait” Kate all but groans out as the shorter woman nibbles a particularly sensitive spot.

The short haired woman finally grabs a hold of Lena’s shoulders and pulls back , catching those fierce green eyes. Kate sees the way the fight drains from them and glistens over with unshed tears yet again. “what the hell happened?” Kate asks as her pale blue eyes scan over the smaller frame of the young woman looking for any foul play. All she finds though , are the gentle shaking that soon turns to heart wracking sobs as Lena all but collapses into her chest and Kate knows nothing else but to wrap her arms around the heaving woman as tightly as she can.

“Hey you’re alright , breath Lena. Everything’s going to be okay.” And Lena would be laughing if she wasn’t preoccupied from preventing an anxiety attack to occur because Kate doesn’t know how _not okay_ everything is right now or how it might not ever be okay again.

“No its-its not I-“ She bites back a sob that leaves her hands shaking harder as she forces it down. “She kissed ****me****. Kara ****kissed me****.”

“and you’re not happy because?” when Kate’s question is answered by the dropping of eyes and a shake of her head. She knows exactly the answer.

“You think you’re too fucked up. That its gonna taint her?”

Hearing the words out loud makes Lena flinch and she pulls away from the other woman’s grasp. Making her way to the bottle of scotch screaming her name. Because Dear God does she need a drink before the talk they’re about to have.

“So you’re rather deciding to make the choice for her then? Instead of letting her decide whether or not that’s true?” Kate questions and Lena takes a long drag from the glass she just helped herself to.

“you’re self sabotaging something that could be so great for you” Lena snorts and shakes her head , still refusing to face her friend.

“She does not deserve the mess that is my life Kate. She deserves so much better”.

“Maybe this is your chance at deserving better than what you’re giving yourself. And I think its her” the glass in her hand suddenly feels too heavy to hold and she sets it down with a loud thunk. Her throat already feeling thick and gravely , even after scorching it with the amber liquid.

“that’s a nice idea to have until I hurt her and that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do to ****her.**** ”

When Lena finally turns she’s met with a hard glare , its intense and shocks her enough into silence. “Stop acting like your own feelings don’t matter Lena , stop this ongoing cycle of abuse ,you’re not living in the Luthor mansion anymore.”

Kate takes slow and cautious steps towards her , as if she’d bolt any minute. Yet judging at the way shes shaking right now she doesn’t blame Kate for thinking she would .

“You proved your worth to the world so start proving it to the one person it really matters, to _Yourself._ “

Lena let’s out a shaky sigh , its hot and filled with intense emotions she just can’t label right now but still allows it to consume her , to fuel her drive for something better for herself. For a better self.

She only hopes the person she wants to share this idea of a new self would still have her after that horrible stunt she’d pulled tonight.

The end of the new week sees Lena yet again at Kara’s apartment for game night. Its weird that she decided to show up and even more so that the others don’t seem to give any recognition about knowing of last weeks mishap.

Not that she could read minds to be 100% and if she had to bet , Alex must probably be the only one to know of the situation if the less than subtle glares burning into the back of her head and harsh whispers from Kara to ‘knock it off' are anything to go by.

They end up being on opposing teams , on opposite sides of the room too. Lena is glad , the wine she’s been sipping on all night has her feeling warm enough not to miss the way Kara would curl up beside her and radiate enough heat to melt a bloody glacier. (And by that she means that her yearning looks towards the blonde every now and then have become surprisingly more subtler than she’d thought.

But that’s only because she’s become extremely competitive and her partner some higher power above help him , is practically useless. She does not know what she even expected when he offered to team up though , they know barely anything about each other ,other than she being his boss and him being good with a camera? God she really knows nothing about this man except that his an employee.(with a thing for photography)

Other than her hopeless partner and the fact that the warmth of the wine wore off she finds herself enjoy the night as it proceeds. Her laughs become less forced and more genuine , her smile less plastered and more crooked in its natural glory and by the end of the night as everyone starts exiting the cosy apartment she finds herself halting at the call of her name.

Its Kara , standing in the kitchen with a recycled black bag and a sheepish grin on her face. “mind helping me out?” the blonde gestures to the empty cartons and bottles littering her entertainment area and really they both know the blonde could have the entire place spotless in less than 5 seconds , and Lena has those exact words sitting on her tongue but the hopeful shimmer in those blue eyes has anything but those words slipping from her mouth.

“Of course , I’ll take care of the dishes then while you take out the trash?” She hopes her smile seemed more gentle than nervous as she makes her way towards the kitchen ,busying herself with the already stacked heap of dirty plates , bowls and glasses. If there was any Telltale’s , Kara doesn’t comment on it at all and instead gets to clearing up.

Lena hardly realizes the blonde had zipped in and out of the window to dispose of the trash in the dumpster instead of the bin in her kitchen when she feels the gentle breeze against the exposed part of her neck. It takes her though a few minutes more to place the remaining crockery onto the dry rack before Kara pipes up to just leave them be , that she’ll handle those in the morning.

So now with nothing else to do but grab her bag and go she gives Kara another (hopefully) gentle smile and makes for her bag on the counter.

“W-wait!” The blonde cries out suddenly and the young Luthor practically jumps away from the handbag as if it were a ticking time bomb. Kara must have noted the shock clearly pasted firmly on her face because she is standing up from the stools at the kitchen island and waving her hands about.

“Sorry I just-“ she gestures towards the half filled bottle of wine still standing on the table in the living room area and offers up a pleading smile. “help me finish it off please?”

Again she could just note how the blonde could drink it in under 5 seconds and be unscathed but why deny the poor woman a moment of her time. Clearly she was trying so hard to gain it.

And Kate did say she had to stop running away from the things that scared her (or in Kate Kane’s actual words , to stop pussying out and woman up) so this was her womaning up.

By staying and having a quiet moment alone with Kara. She thinks its funny how their boldest moments are always aided with the help of alcohol.

Because here they are again. On the couch , knees grazing against one another , hands sliding against soft cheeks and threading into silk soft hair as their lips brush yet again. Its soft – hesitant at first. But as she open her eyes and finds searching blue eyes looking into her own. Lena finally boxes up the already loud voices of insecure monsters for once and leans in for a taste of those velvet soft lips.

She’s in her office this time , recalling the way Kara’s lips had felt on her own last night and relishing in the giddiness of it all. They hadn’t let it go anywhere past exploratory kisses and gentle touches and when Lena finally found the strength to drag herself out of the apartment , they had kissed goodnight and shared equally shy smiles.

But today was a new day and since then Kara hasn’t contacted her in anyway. Nor has Lena made any means to do so , if anything she didn’t want to seem desperate. As much as she was pining her pride wouldn’t allow her to give in to temptation…not yet anyway.

So the young Luthor fills her mind with work and only work as she powers through the morning with meetings and what ever else to keep busy. (And there was a lot , she was CEO after all. There was ALWAYS work)

That is until her door opens revealing a beaming Kara in brown slacks and a powder pink freshly pressed shirt , holding onto take out bag from Noonans. “I figured you would forget about lunch” the blonde tsked and made her way towards the couch to set out the food she had gotten them.

Lena really has no idea how to respond , she is too busy trying to run over last night to figure out if they had scheduled lunch for today but all her mind seems to be doing now is focusing on the kiss and how stifling this office seems to be now that Kara is _right here_ and maybe possibly it could happen again.

“Lee c’mon I’m starving!” Kara whines , already seated and the brunette has to suppress those thoughts before they become blatantly obvious on her cheeks. So as she makes her way over , pulling at the violet dress she’d decided to wear today if only to settle some final nerves and can’t help but let out a chuckle at the packed table.

“Clearly , judging by the amount of food that could probably feed a third world country for a week, did you skip breakfast?” and what’s this? Kara’s blushing. Full on rosy cheeks as she averts her gaze to fumble with her glasses. Lena’s all caught up in appreciating the adorability of it all she almost misses the mumbled “I overslept”.

“well then let’s dig in”

They’re 3 containers of chow mien in (Kara is 3 containers in , Lena’s is still finishing her first) when she looks up to note how the blonde has been giving her weary glances in between stuffing her mouth.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lena says smiling as she catches blue eyes , peering from below their spectacles once more and she can’t help the satisfaction in seeing that delicious blush coating her cheeks again.

“uhm” Kara begins and sets the food down , her gaze fixed finally , on hers. So Lena sets her own food down sensing the seriousness of the upcoming subject and trying hard to school her heart into not increasing its beating.

“so last night-I just” the blonde let’s out a heavy sigh and Lena spots fear spilling into those opalescent spheres. “Do you regret it?”

Her heart begins to ache because of course Kara is scared of her answer. The last time they’d puckered up she ran for the hills and she can only imagine the nerves coursing through her veins right now.

And yet she feels it has nothing on hers. The ones currently awakening as she let’s out a shaky breath.

“No. I don’t” the bright smile splitting across her best friends face seems so welcoming she forgets about trying to calm her heart and lets it beat rapidly as the atmosphere becomes thick with the thrill of their dancing around finally coming to an end.

“Does that mean I could kiss you right now?” _God yes_ is what Lena wants to say , wants to grab the blushing woman by the waist and drag her into her lap and have her way. Because she’s been waiting so long for this moment , so long for this chance to have kara look at her the way she is right now ; with the anticipation of tasting her lips.

But she doesn’t want to screw this up. She wants to take it easy. Wants to it to be a steady and long term thing , not like the hookups in the past because if she’s going to be honest with herself right now. They were just a temporary filling for what her heart wanted most.

And currently that burning desire was right in front of her , eyes fluttering as they waited for Lena to finally bridge the gap and make this long awaited dream a reality.

And she does. Both hands cupping a strong jaw as thumbs stroke the heated flesh of Kara’s cheeks. Their breaths are intermingled , becoming one as both inhale and exhale in synchronicity. Kara’s own hands reach up to gently grasp on to hers , squeezing ever so gently as if egging her on.

And Lena can’t help the tearful smile as their lips finally meet , blissfully and euphorically as if the once lost pieces of a puzzle have been found and are finally falling into their rightful place. Their lips move together so perfectly , a fire ignited within them both and heating up with every wandering hand and excited grasp.

Its perfect , utterly heaven to her as nothing but dreamy sighs and soft giggles leave their barely parting lips. No remnants of any insecurity being able to push through the wall of happiness surrounding the two.

Lena has never felt so much happiness in her life. And she is absolutely enjoying the feeling of this new found joy.

**Author's Note:**

> i would just like to say that:  
> i dont ship lena x kate  
> im not a fan of that lames ship it was literal trash  
> im not a fan of mon-el (but chris wood is a fav , had to point that out)
> 
> idk how i feel about this oneshot exactly but oh well , lets post it anyway. i stayed up all night writing it for some reason XD
> 
> come rant to me about treating my wife so shit on tumblr @littleluthottie


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